Holiday shopping season is in full swing and with that, the “love needs no words” gift ideas pop up on my social media newsfeeds. I get the sentiment of it, but the AAC (augmentative and alternative communication) loving, speech-language pathologist in me reads into it.
It’s true that we do express love nonverbally.
We hug a friend who is having a hard time. A child’s eyes widen as he looks up at his mom and dad. We hold hands, put a hand on a shoulder, and put our arm around the people we love. But we also use words. Hearing your child say, “I love you” is beautiful, whether it’s through verbal speech or AAC.
If individuals with complex communication needs (CCN) aren’t able to express love yet with words, their eyes might sparkle when you walk into the room. Maybe you feel their bodies relax when you put your arms around them. There may be the warmth of overwhelming love in their smile and the depth of connection when they choose to look into your eyes. There is love in the moments when they invite you into their interests and hobbies and trust you to touch the items that are special to them.
When we have language, we weave our nonverbal expressions of love into our communication. We can fill our relationships with important conversations, jokes followed by shared laughter, and in listening to each other and valuing what the other person has to say. If individuals are not able to speak verbally, they can use augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) to have the words. Give them the ability to intertwine language throughout their relationships.
When you have ALL of the words
Sometimes I have the privilege of helping students with gifts and activities using their AAC systems. A teenage student told me that her mom’s “kindness (is) contagious.” Then with a sparkle in her eye and hysterical laughter, added that her mom was “attempting (to get) pregnant.” Then she said she was “being funny.”
A student painted a picture for his mom and then asked for another piece of paper for his “Nanny.” Another student told me his “Mommy (had a) happy face.” The words give the details of love.
The words give you the joy of knowing what’s behind that sparkle in her eye. Words let you know that a painting was done specifically with you in mind. The words give you the heartwarming feeling of knowing that when your child pressed his forehead against yours, he noticed that your face was happy…and told someone.
Yes, there are a lot of nonverbal ways that we can show love. But let them be in addition to words and not instead of them. Even if you are convinced that “love needs no words,” give them all of the words anyway. Let them decide for themselves. There’s so much more to express in addition to love. Give ALL of the words and then show them that sometimes…the love is in the listening.
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